The Habitual Relationship Jumper

I was tweeting one night and I came up with a term, “The Habitual Relationship Jumper.”

I was referring to myself.

One of the reasons that I decided to take #TheManBreak was because I realized that since I was about 26(I was 34 at the writing of this blog) I had been in some sort of relationship.  In SOME form.  I was accustomed to constant text messages and bullish calls from men who liked me at varying levels.  Some relationships were extra serious and totally exclusive, others were more casual(well for the guy)…I however, have almost always been serious about every guy that I went on more than a second date with.  My ongoing “In A Relationship, but not really” status lended to me having more partners than I care to admit to and lead me to wonder if I was a hoe.

Well after coming to the conclusion that “hoe” was relative and that I had far less partners than most of my friends I realized that I was a “Habitual Relationship Jumper.”  I was in love with the beginning stages of being in a relationship, getting to know a guy and the first kiss, first touch…first everything.

I also easily moved from one relationship to another because I was afraid of being alone.  I was afraid of feeling like nobody was thinking about me, trying to line up my Saturday night or sending me a romantic good morning text message-regardless of how fake it was.  I was afraid of the truth-that nobody was really checking for me.  It took some soul searching for me to come to that personal realization. I believe that other Habitual Relationship Jumpers, both men and women, have that same fear.  ALONE.

Relationship Jumping also allows me to have surface relationships, the emotional version of why men date “easy girls.”  It’s freaking easy and I know that it is not going to go far, plus I just met a new guy at the golf club.  Engaging in a surface relationship means that I do not have to go extra deep in getting to know guy and I don’t have to answer the hard questions from my family about THE NEW HIM.  By the time my Mama knows his name I have met a new guy and friendly faded dude that I was in a relationship with for the past 4 months-if he has not already done the same to me.

Its all baggage.  I did not start out dating and loving like this, but I am still needing to heal from a relationship that I was in 8 years ago.  Therefore I am on #TheManBreak.  I want to be single-minded when I meet a great guy, I do not want to be side-eyeing him because of what the last guy did.  And I do not want to have a “spare” dude when this one plays out.  I am a reformed Habitual Relationship Jumper because I no longer fear being alone.  So the next time that I decide to get into a relationship he will be what I really want and am looking for-he will not simply be who comes along!

If you find yourself like me, in and out of “go nowhere” relationships, take a look at yourself, admit that you are amazing all on your own and step OUT of the dating scene.  Make a conscientious effort to be celibate and enjoy time with yourself.  You will be surprised at how fabulous you are.

Psssttt….ever since I made a decision that I was going to do me…the men have been hitting me up!  They no longer excite me, however, because I know that those guys are not what I want!!  Good luck!


Peacefully Single,
Sharelle