Funny...

So I was fixing a hamburger and I was motivated to call Tate.  Not to get back with him or make up with him, but to make sure that we were good.  Ordinarily I would not have cared.  But this was our second go-round.  And we have "history" and I want to maintain friendships.  And sex and all of the other stuff can muddy that up....and it did.

Of course he picked up on the first ring.  I called to just make sure that we were good and I cant lie, I also wanted to make sure that he would be around to help me move.  Don't Judge me.

When we talked and I told him that I wanted to be cool with him even though "it didnt work out."  He said, "what didnt work out?"  I was like, is he tripping?  But the real thing is that I was tripping.  He was treating what I thought was something serious, very casually.  And that was my bad for investing too much, too soon-again.

I told him that I just didnt think that things could go much farther because I wanted to have children and he shared with me one night at dinner that he did not want any more kids.  He then stated that he could no longer have kids.  Time-Out, what?  N@gga you NEVER bothered to tell me that!!  And to make matters worse he kinda went in on the fact that he didnt even think that I wanted to have kids because I was so old.

He tried to do all of this silly talk about how emotionally I was too occupied with my family, business and we were so far away from each other(family is an always and even when I move closer I am still not going to be into you-and your not going to be into me).  I have no problem being in a relationship at anytime when I am into who I am dating, I just didnt want to take the time to get to know him better and THANK GOD I didnt invest more of my emotions!!

On the next dating go-round I will ask what a man wants.  I will tell him what I require and we can meet in the middle.  More my middle than his...this was going to end up a year of bullshit if I didnt cut the strings!!!

Between Dr. Corey Guyton and Alexandra Fox's "How to Play Hard to Get"...I feel sooooo differently about myself.  Its as if I took an immersion class in self-esteem.  Thank You Lord for Truth.

xoxo,
Sharelle

But Her Eyes...

So Maybe I am not the best one to discuss this, but Im going to.  I read it and maybe chicks who show their bodies might look at this and say, what Blondie said, a more prudent woman may agree with what the covered Muslim woman said.  Me I say neither.

I feel like as women why does what we wear have to be driven by what makes a man comfortable or happy?  Can we please wear what makes us feel comfortable and happy?  Why does what we wear have to do with our "male-dominated culture?"...and why the hell is is the driving force behind it?  I would love to hear what other people have to say.

My Standards...A List?

So I have written out a list of what I want but Im not into a LIST.  A partner should not be about checking off a list but here is a quick elevator pitch of what I would like:

I would like a family oriented, God-fearing, emotionally and physically available, fun and driven man that is affectionate and attractive to me and attracted to me!  Holding hands is a non-negotiable.  And he should be ready and interested in a committed relationship ending in marriage, while children are not required, they should not be off the table.

Cigarette smokers and Dope heads need not apply.

Damn that was quick to put together.

Can that really be the basics??...what am I missing?

What I noticed was that I actually described myself.  Nothing more, nothing less.
I didnt ask for a man with a six pack but I just asked that he would be attractive to me and attracted to me.

I wonder if I will make changes??

This Video Was SOOOOO Awesome!!!

Tate is Not My Friend...

So "Tate" as I affectionately call him was my "stand-in."  I mean dude was even cool with "Moms" as he called her, but quite frankly I had never had that FIRE for him.  Well apparently, it blew out much earlier for him.  This dude and I spoke on Friday night for the last time.

Huh?...You havent called me in 5 Days...I hate Im giggling...but I am lightweight pissed, he pulled a Sharelle on Sharelle!!

It honestly makes my celibacy soooooo much easier because we were definitely having sex.  And I definitely did not want to stop.  So I did pray for a way out and God provided an amazing path.

Its kinda messed up because he did say that he would call me later, but maybe he met somebody over the Memorial Day weekend.  We surely werent going to set the world on fire...and when he said that he didnt want to have any more kids I knew that there was NOOOOOOO way I could realistically continue.

However, I must admit that I am disappointed that I saw pics of him on FB and he posted and he had the nerve to request me on Instagram.

He went from Partner, to Homie, to Irritant to Non-Factor.

Plus he fussed too darn much!

RIP Sharelle & Tate
Yall know I am waiting for Ace anyway...*smile*

xoxo,
Sharelle

Text, No Talk.

If you can text me like a mad-man but when I call you dismiss my call...and say some shit about bad reception....

Your full of shit. Somebody is there with you and you don't have to lie.

We're not married-you don't owe me anything.

Xoxo,
Sharelle

Pussy, Personality AND My Purse!

"Wouldn't Have a man that didn't bring anything to the table but an appetite."
                         ---Anonymous

I was talking to my Neo and we were laughing about "paying" and I was like, huh?

Now maybe this is why I dont have a man, but if this is the deal I dont want this type of a man, you can keep 'em!  So its chic to go out with a man to eat and pull your purse out?  Nah, there is a standards issue there.

We forget our value and as my prophyte used to say to us, even though we were supposed to be scoping, "All Eyes on the Prize!"  If a man does not value you as a prize, your going to have to keep it moving, its not worth the drama that you are going to have in the long run!  Just imagine planning a vacation with "Mr. Halfsies."  Its like you are trying to impress him and when men have this idea that they are just as much a prize as women, well hell, I can tell that you wont like me-because that is not how I see things.

Mind you I love to cook, bake, will take care of you like nobodies business, but I am traditional and I cannot deal with the thought that I have to bring Pussy, Personality AND my mutha fukkin' PURSE to the table.  We cant go half on the pussy...and it kinda looks like you already went half on the dick.

Babe, keep that dick, there is one that values me right behind YOU, please tap him for me and go get back on your Mommies Tit.

Ladies if he isnt going to be a Man, why would you date him??!!...Just to say that you have a sack of pants that pisses all over your floor in the morning time...trust I can go out with my best friend and split the bill and I wont be faking an orgasm either!

xoxo,
Sharelle

Do You Shave...

So DC is cool people, thus FAR...you dont know somebody until you know them tho, right...

So Dude asks me after some friendly(not sexual at ALL) conversation if I shaved.  I was like WHOA!!...Here we go...I wondered if I was working my Hoe Swag again.  I scratched my head, I didnt think that I was texting too sexually!!  I told him that I didnt want to have that type of conversation and Bruh quickly changed his tune.

He didnt think that I was going to answer that question anyway, and we should respect each other.  I was so glad that I had the balls to set some serious boundaries....Actually I wanted to pat myself on the back because there have been times that I have let stuff ride because I didnt want  to seem "too churchy" or because I didnt want to be so uptight since white girls werent...or whatever kind of bullshit that I let go through my head when I didnt stand up for myself and say, "Your tripping, Im not getting into that kinda conversation."

I actually kinda got a few little surges of power for myself.  And I hope that other women will feel that too.

Old boy is cool people, he was just doing whatever he thought that he could do and he was going to try.
He was just kidding like Jason, unless I was going to tell him.
You cant fault him and he got right back in respectful line, and then we started talking about movies!!

Will he call me tomorrow, I don't know but I do know one thing...its another triumph for me in the game of Sharelle101.  Its not about anybody else but me and wanting what I deserve.  And I have a few more ounces of self-respect!

I am so excited about the woman that I am going to be after this year passes.

xoxo,
None of Your Business if I Shave Sharelle D. Lowery

The Man Break...Defined

I actually felt that I needed to clarify this for myself, because brothers have been coming at me left and right.

Now this happens, but since I decided that I was going to be man/dick/drama free it seems like they are at least pretending to be on it a little more.  First of all I want to say that none of this applies when it comes to Ace, except for the Celibacy part.

Ace...he is the Prototype and he doesnt even know it.

Anyway, enough daydreaming...

TheManBreak means that I am not going to have sex PERIOD for at least one year.  But for reals, I really need to be Celibate until marriage.  It just keeps my mind from getting all loopy.

My TheManBreak Rules:

• Absolutely no sex.  Until the end of next May, like my first adult boyfriend-he will wait for me if he cares.
• Im no longer dressing in my "Man Trap" gear.  Whenever I dress it will be for me.
• I am semi-retiring the titties, now Im not saying that I wont look sexy but its going to be for MY benefit and I think that I need at least a "titty-free summer."
• I am not going to make decisions based on what I think that a guy would like, especially what he would like to see me dressed in.  This has gotten me nowhere.
• I am going to spend the time that I would spend occupied with my mind on my dick du jour and workout, focus on good eating habits, loving myself more, reading my Bible and overall building myself up.
• I will not tell a man that he is not welcome in my world, but I will tell him that he is not welcome in my vagina.  She needs a break and a man with a heart.
• I will be open with men about my celibacy.
• I will follow my instincts when it comes to men, if it smells like a skunk, Im no longer going to try and put perfume on it.
• I will tone down the sexiness.
• I will have conversations with men, but when they get too sexual, I will respect myself and him enough to curb it.

Im feeling like there might be more, but for now, this is it.  I just needed to know my own rules.
My new personal standards.

And Real talk, Ace needs to adhere to these rules as well...and since he is quite frankly the most respectable dude that I know, he would love these rules.

xoxo,
Sharelle 


How Many More Days do I Have???

Day Six of the Man Break

Whew!!

It feels nice!!  Wake up with no drama, and no expectation of drama.
While I would have liked to have a babe at the family cookout yesterday, I realized that I would only want the right kind of guy there.  But truth be told, I have yet to be the right kind of girl for some really awesome guys!!

So I need a place of space.

True Story: I have not spoken to Tate since Friday night.  I am not Toni Braxton and I dont need 7 Whole Days to know that you are not about me.  Its kinda weird-I dont feel good about it, but Im kinda on Kanye Shrug with it, just a little disgusted that a friend would do that to me.  I mean hell, maybe something is wrong with him.

xoxo,
Sharelle

When It Rains...

So here I am on #TheManBreak and I end up talking/texting with a really intriguing guy from DC. I don't really have a name for him yet, but I really enjoy our back and forth. He ain't on The Man Break plan.

...and then another friend of mine invites me to NYC sometime this summer. Now neither one of these guys are doing anything to make me get offa my man break, but damn...when it rains it pours.

Xoxo,
Sharelle

Celibate???

So I told a guy that I was Celibate. It was the first time that I had ever said it...to a guy. He totally didn't flip out or think that I was a weirdo. It was empowering. I know that he respected it and the way that he asked me for my phone number was so non-presumptuous...it makes me think that maybe I have been putting "hoe-swag" out there. And that's sad, because I am not a hoe.

And I feel so much more like myself when I'm not looking for "the possibility" of anything. I feel like I will be a better friend-mostly to myself. Is it already day 4? 361 more to go!!...lol!!!

Actually like Tamar said, when he puts a ring on it, I can put that thing on it. Until then I will just pray for my sexual desire to be more low-key.

Xoxo,
Sharelle

SuperHead Thoughts

Watching Super Head, Karrinne Stephens on TV One...

Hmm...I am glad that she did well for herself and I have no hate for this girl.  She is on her grind and is making life happen for herself in a world where women who are sexually advantageous get treated like crap on the bottom of a mans shoe.

I just want to make sure that I am never the "good time girl."

But I will always stand up for her right to be who she is.

It makes me want to close my legs even tighter.

xoxo,
Sharelle

5 am

There is nothing that irritates me more than waking up at 5 am. I don't need to be up this early. But I think that it's God's way of talking to me in a pure way, when nobody is texting or calling. And an epiphany just occurred to me, not to feel guilty about Tate, he has already moved on to the next. There is too much time passing without contact, sex life is dead, and I didn't even get a text today.

Damn.

*biggest Kanye Shrug ever*

xoxo,
Sharelle

|Day Three| - Horizontal vs. Vertical Relationships

OMG...I was about to lay down before I posted, but I am so glad that I lifted my laptop!!

I just had the best convo with a Soror of mine who confirmed all of my feelings.  We were talking about the different kind of relationships that we develop.  The Horizontal type and the Vertical type.  The Horizontal type of relationships are so lacking depth and I hate to say, I feel like for my spirit that I have had more than I should have.  For another woman, I might have too few for another woman too many...but for me...its too many.

It always reminds me of Steve Urkel talking about the Horizontal Polka-gross, I know.

I miss the type of relationship where a guy is totally trying to get to know me, really courting me and exploring who I am.  Its been a long time since I have felt that way and I refuse to be involved in another relationship that lacks a MAJOR Vertical Experience.

Tate's ass had the nerve not to call me.  I missed knowing or feeling that somebody cared, but I cannot say that I really missed him.  I do not feel a strong connection to him, I just didnt want to be alone.  And Tate was a nice transition from Biggums.  Biggums was a guy who I had been crushing on for a long time, who pretended like he was into me, and our relationship went from Super Vertical for months to Horizontal.  And thats when I "lost" him.  But after just a few months I dont miss him a bit and I swear I loved him.  One of the reasons that I decided to take The Man Break was because I was having issues really knowing what I wanted as a person myself.  I was feeling "relationship confused"...and to me...that indicated that I needed to take a break and put on THE BRAKES!!

Soo...Day 3.  It was Okay, I mentioned Ace to my Mom's...she was like your holding out for him?...He is the only thing relationship wise that I am SURE about.  Yes, I am holding out for him and every man that I encounter is worth passing up to have Ace.  I just wish that he would still feel the same old way about me.

Until then...Sassy and Celibate!

xoxo,
Sharelle

Day Two

Im not going to lie, now I have not had sex in the last few weeks, but of course this morning-I felt like I wanted to have sex with EVERYBODY!!!...lol...Just kidding.  I know that its natural to feel withdraws while I am learning about the new me!  

My Sorority Sister just sent me an article about Meagan Good that I posted and I was so happy that such a beautiful girl was admitting that she didnt need to have sex either.  I just feel like so much is telling women that we need to be more mindful.  Movies, video and music are constantly telling us that our sexual prowess makes us powerful.  Well it has only ever made me feel less than powerful when relationships dont work out and even insecure when they are not defined.

Today was a day of pleasure, not in the sexual way, but in the happy with myself way.

Thanks Yaisa and Meagan!!

xoxo,

Sharelle 

Megan Good...Celibate-Now Getting Married!

Megan Good decided to be celibate until she got Married!!...She took a Real Man Break!!!...I am so excited for her and I think that women who set up new standards for themselves will create so much more happiness for themselves because they are not giving up the cookie to a cookie monster!

Go Meg!!!!

Read the Article Below!

http://necolebitchie.com/2012/05/24/meagan-goods-wedding-night-will-be-the-first-night-she-has-sex-with-fiance/

IN

Tate, the reason for #TheManBreak just went in on me, talkin about I thought that you were asleep. Negro please...yeah, I gotta tell his ass. He has called me like 3 times in the past hour...just calling to make sure I'm not fucking anybody else I'm sure.

I do NOT want to be in a relationship or anything like it. Only exception allowed: Ace.

If he calls again, I'm not picking up.

He Called...

So everyone has "the one that got away"...I certainly do. Let's call him Ace. When I "met" him...because we met online...I was all over the place. He wasn't exciting, he wasn't wild he was perfect. And I took him for granted. He is the ONLY man that I would break my Man Break for, and of course...before my Man Break even really gets off the ground-he calls. Big sigh, and he is coming to LA alone to visit. Nah, I'm not going...but he didn't really invite me either so it was easy to not be eager and to just breathe knowing that at least for the next year...we would be nothing but friends...but that's exactly what we have been for 2 years already. So it is what it is.

But there is something about when he calls me beautiful. Guess its part of that addiction.

D.Lowery

|Day One|

|Day One|

So here I am on Thursday, May 24th.

I have been in and out of relationships, mini-relationships, half relationships and grey area relationships.  I am 34 years old and I have not been in what I would consider a respectable relationship since I was 30.  I have partied a lot, I have totally enjoyed myself.  But I need the focus that being in a relationship removes from me.

I was just talking to my Sands and I was telling her that for me being in all of these "situations" all feel like one big bad drink.

The Relationship Cocktail

They are nice and fizzy in the beginning...taste better with every sip.
then they kinda feel out of control....

THEN...the room is spinning your "sick"...and then your doing stuff that you would never do in your right mind!!

And when you sober up...you realize that you were a MESS!!!!
and that there was tissue stuck to your shoe...everybody was laughing and new that you were a fool.

You can tell that I have been drunk before and being in lightweight relationships are equally as non-committal.  And the more you do it, the more that you feel the need to take another drink, another man, another "piece of relationship."

I am going to post as often as possible and discuss my difficulties of keeping myself to myself and The Man Break.

This is not a joke, its me, Sharelle D. Lowery, my open diary-on a Man Break, for myself!