Really Tho?

So after about 20 Days since the last text...I get a message "Hey Cutie."

...Really tho? Like in another lifetime, I would be excited to hear from Ace. But after so much self reflection I'm kinda dry on him.

And I personally still miss him, and I feel like he is the quality of man that I deserve. But I'm beginning to wonder weather he is the quality of man that deserves ME. A man that wants you demonstrates it.

Sooo...I have decided not to respond. If he wants chat time-he can call and as much as I have lightweight idealized him, I realize that he is man like the rest....he better get his Atomic Dog on.

Xoxo,
DLowery

The Habitual Relationship Jumper

I was tweeting one night and I came up with a term, “The Habitual Relationship Jumper.”

I was referring to myself.

One of the reasons that I decided to take #TheManBreak was because I realized that since I was about 26(I was 34 at the writing of this blog) I had been in some sort of relationship.  In SOME form.  I was accustomed to constant text messages and bullish calls from men who liked me at varying levels.  Some relationships were extra serious and totally exclusive, others were more casual(well for the guy)…I however, have almost always been serious about every guy that I went on more than a second date with.  My ongoing “In A Relationship, but not really” status lended to me having more partners than I care to admit to and lead me to wonder if I was a hoe.

Well after coming to the conclusion that “hoe” was relative and that I had far less partners than most of my friends I realized that I was a “Habitual Relationship Jumper.”  I was in love with the beginning stages of being in a relationship, getting to know a guy and the first kiss, first touch…first everything.

I also easily moved from one relationship to another because I was afraid of being alone.  I was afraid of feeling like nobody was thinking about me, trying to line up my Saturday night or sending me a romantic good morning text message-regardless of how fake it was.  I was afraid of the truth-that nobody was really checking for me.  It took some soul searching for me to come to that personal realization. I believe that other Habitual Relationship Jumpers, both men and women, have that same fear.  ALONE.

Relationship Jumping also allows me to have surface relationships, the emotional version of why men date “easy girls.”  It’s freaking easy and I know that it is not going to go far, plus I just met a new guy at the golf club.  Engaging in a surface relationship means that I do not have to go extra deep in getting to know guy and I don’t have to answer the hard questions from my family about THE NEW HIM.  By the time my Mama knows his name I have met a new guy and friendly faded dude that I was in a relationship with for the past 4 months-if he has not already done the same to me.

Its all baggage.  I did not start out dating and loving like this, but I am still needing to heal from a relationship that I was in 8 years ago.  Therefore I am on #TheManBreak.  I want to be single-minded when I meet a great guy, I do not want to be side-eyeing him because of what the last guy did.  And I do not want to have a “spare” dude when this one plays out.  I am a reformed Habitual Relationship Jumper because I no longer fear being alone.  So the next time that I decide to get into a relationship he will be what I really want and am looking for-he will not simply be who comes along!

If you find yourself like me, in and out of “go nowhere” relationships, take a look at yourself, admit that you are amazing all on your own and step OUT of the dating scene.  Make a conscientious effort to be celibate and enjoy time with yourself.  You will be surprised at how fabulous you are.

Psssttt….ever since I made a decision that I was going to do me…the men have been hitting me up!  They no longer excite me, however, because I know that those guys are not what I want!!  Good luck!


Peacefully Single,
Sharelle

I Was Afraid...

So I was actually afraid of this moment.  The moment that I was fully alone and that nobody in particular would be thinking about me, what I was going to be doing this weekend or if I needed soup if I was getting a small case of sniffles.

I was totally afraid of this moment until it hit me that this was one of the first mornings in a LONG time that I woke up HAPPY, I wasnt thinking about why I didnt get a bullish GM text or why a random "he" didnt call back last night.  I had actually been confused into thinking that some of these relationships were actually relevant or even factors in my life.  So while nobody is puffing smoke up my arse these days.  Im also not feeling the rollercoaster ride of bad or half relationships.

Im actually Happy and Alone.

I-fucking-magine that.

I may never have verbalized it but I must have felt complete because of who I felt that I was attached to.  At least in my mind.  My self esteem has been tied to another human being, not even one that I know...just ANY one.  Thank GOD for growth.

Is this what it means to be grown and sexy?

xoxo,
Sharelle

Tell Me How That Works For You...

I was in Instagram and one of the people that I follow posted the above message.

I said that "A Hug is the new Goodnight kiss." and I indicated my celibacy proudly. Dude told me that was a good idea since guys werent sh*t anyway. Then dude asked me if I was single as if to say that if I was more active I would have a man. And told me to keep up with him and let him know how it works for me.

I was like what a total opposite response...First he was like "Good Job." Then he was like... "Do you have man?"...Why do men have such a respect/hate relationship with a woman taking a personal stand against horizontal relationships outside of marriage?? They would want that for their sister, but not for you...since they might want to smash...I'm just like...Whatever, your first response was the best one...will most people wait until marriage, Nah...but at least wait until you get a real commitment...and not one that you make in bed...

SMH...

All this bullcrap is so much more transparent to me...and I finally feel free.

Xoxo,
Sharelle

DC

Yesterday DC called me in the middle of the day. I said, "Hey, I work for myself and I don't have time to talk during the day. Can you call me in the evening?"

He noted TWO excuses:
-"I work on call so sometimes I'm not available.((Lie.))
-"You gotta know we live in two different places and are on two different time zones.((Lie.))

And I suspected that he was lying but I was not sure and I didn't want to just assume!!...But he confirmed it when he didn't call back last night or today...Get Your Life...

Biggums tried that with me, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice... Shame on me!!!

Funny...

So I was fixing a hamburger and I was motivated to call Tate.  Not to get back with him or make up with him, but to make sure that we were good.  Ordinarily I would not have cared.  But this was our second go-round.  And we have "history" and I want to maintain friendships.  And sex and all of the other stuff can muddy that up....and it did.

Of course he picked up on the first ring.  I called to just make sure that we were good and I cant lie, I also wanted to make sure that he would be around to help me move.  Don't Judge me.

When we talked and I told him that I wanted to be cool with him even though "it didnt work out."  He said, "what didnt work out?"  I was like, is he tripping?  But the real thing is that I was tripping.  He was treating what I thought was something serious, very casually.  And that was my bad for investing too much, too soon-again.

I told him that I just didnt think that things could go much farther because I wanted to have children and he shared with me one night at dinner that he did not want any more kids.  He then stated that he could no longer have kids.  Time-Out, what?  N@gga you NEVER bothered to tell me that!!  And to make matters worse he kinda went in on the fact that he didnt even think that I wanted to have kids because I was so old.

He tried to do all of this silly talk about how emotionally I was too occupied with my family, business and we were so far away from each other(family is an always and even when I move closer I am still not going to be into you-and your not going to be into me).  I have no problem being in a relationship at anytime when I am into who I am dating, I just didnt want to take the time to get to know him better and THANK GOD I didnt invest more of my emotions!!

On the next dating go-round I will ask what a man wants.  I will tell him what I require and we can meet in the middle.  More my middle than his...this was going to end up a year of bullshit if I didnt cut the strings!!!

Between Dr. Corey Guyton and Alexandra Fox's "How to Play Hard to Get"...I feel sooooo differently about myself.  Its as if I took an immersion class in self-esteem.  Thank You Lord for Truth.

xoxo,
Sharelle

But Her Eyes...

So Maybe I am not the best one to discuss this, but Im going to.  I read it and maybe chicks who show their bodies might look at this and say, what Blondie said, a more prudent woman may agree with what the covered Muslim woman said.  Me I say neither.

I feel like as women why does what we wear have to be driven by what makes a man comfortable or happy?  Can we please wear what makes us feel comfortable and happy?  Why does what we wear have to do with our "male-dominated culture?"...and why the hell is is the driving force behind it?  I would love to hear what other people have to say.